Breaking Bad and the Finish Line

My wife and I have started watching Breaking Bad while we wait for the Walking Dead to start back up. I had heard a lot about the series and so far it has lived up to the hype, in my opinion. It is both dramatic and funny and it has stirred up a lot of emotions at times.

It has been an interesting dichotomy watching the show with my wife; she lost her first husband to cancer and I was a hardcore drug addict that was a total meth head at the end. There have been many moments in the show when either one of us has nodded our head and relived for a few moments something from those times. The episode I watched last night was one of those times...

Season 2, Episode 6: Peekaboo - When Jesse the drug dealer goes to the house of  a couple of junkies to teach them a lesson, he finds the house empty except for a little 5 or 6 year old boy home alone, his junkie parents off scoring. The entire episode was sad and incredibly hard to watch. It reminded me of many people that I knew and sadly, even myself. While I never just left the kids at home alone, I did nod off one time after a 2 day binge, passed out, remembering nothing, with a 6 and 4 year old running around the house by themselves. What is interesting to me is that it was that incident; losing my kids, losing everything, that caused me to realize the depth of my depravity, hit rock bottom, and turn to God. Sadly many, like the show last night, never wake up.

I don't think that is is productive to spend time thinking about the past. When you kick dead things, all you get is stink. But there are time when you will see something that reminds you just how black your blackness was, which in turn shows you just how bright the light of Gods Love and Grace is. "He who is forgiven much, loves much". God has saved me and set me on a path that has impacted many lives and for that I am eternally grateful. "God turns all things to good for those who love him", shining His light even in our blackest night. There is nothing too impossible for God. I am living proof. And so are you.

There is a verse in the song "The Finish Line" by Steve Taylor that says:

Off in the distance
Bloodied but wise

As you squint with the light of the truth in you eyes

And I saw you

Both hands were raised

And I saw your lips move in praise

And I saw you steady your gaze

For the finish line

Every idol like dust

A word scattered them all

And I rose to my feet when you scaled the last wall

And I gasped

When I saw you fall

In His arms

At the finish line

Enjoy the video below. A great song of redemption. And remember, nothing is impossible for God.

Uriah Heep and the Power of Grace

I got into the car this morning for work. When the car started, the radio just happened to be playing my favorite Uriah Heep song.

Stealin'

Take me across the water
'Cause I need some place to hide
I done the rancher's daughter
And I sure did hurt his pride, ah ha

Well, there's a hundred miles of desert lies
Between his hide and mine
I don't need no food 'n' no water, Lord
'Cause I'm running out of time

Fightin', killin', wine and women
Gonna put me to my grave
Runnin', hidin', losin', cryin'
Nothing left to save but my life

Stood on a ridge and shunned religion
Thinking the world was mine
I made my break and a big mistake
Stealing when I should have been buying

This is a simple song with a fairly straight forward point. The singer has lived for himself his whole life and his sin is finally catching up with him. I think one of the reasons that this song resonates so deeply with me is because I think that everyone that hasn’t lived their entire life under the sounds of the church bells has at some point gotten to the place where the singer is in the song. It’s a matter of where we go from there…

I don't need no food 'n' no water, Lord
'Cause I'm running out of time

On June 14^th, 1987 I had run out of time. I was about as strung out on Crystal Meth as someone can be. I was regularly staying up for almost a full week at a time. Every waking moment was spent looking for the next line. I would lie and steal from anyone, even my own family. I was incapable of functioning on any kind of normal level. My wife at the time had a stroke and all I cared about was how it would affect me.

Stood on a ridge and shunned religion
Thinking the world was mine

I was going to church at the time, had almost tried to develop a conscience, but when the rubber met the road, I was the most selfish bastard that I can imagine. People close to me and some of the sad people that I actually made live it with me know most of the depth of it; but inside of me it was an even blacker darkness than I can describe. It actually makes me physically ill to remember myself like that. Then, during the week leading up to the 14^th, I made the decisions that took me to the brink. I lost my wife, my kids, my job in the course of about 2 days. I had run out of time. I had to make a choice. My choice…

Runnin', hidin', losin', cryin'
Nothing left to save but my life

In less than 2 weeks I will be turning 51. By any normal stretch I am about 2/3 of the way around the course. I have been saved longer than I have been unsaved now, so I really have way less excuses now for the mistakes that I make. And while I am far, FAR from perfect, the perfect God allows me to fall into his grace again and again. I am more grateful for the grace of God now than ever and more grateful for a church that preaches the grace of God week in and week out. I have been able to touch in a small way many, many lives and for that I am grateful. I get the honor of allowing my gifting’s to be used on a church platform for God’s people. I get to serve with the greatest pastor I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I have an amazing woman of God who loves me, a son that wants to be like me, a huge group of kids that I can call mine. It is an overflowing blessing that I can’t contain. Nothing left to save, but my life.

Stood on a ridge and shunned religion
Thinking the world was mine
I made my break and a big mistake
Stealing when I should have been buying

I was talking about 12 years ago to one of my old connections. He was talking at length about what it was like in the heyday of his dealing. Talking about the night he slept with 5 different ladies. Thinking the world was his. I heard he was back in town recently. He is blind and has to be led around by his kids, with nothing but the “Glory Days” to sustain him. It’s all about a choice…